Shalom in the Home (Ephesians 6:1-4)                                                                         2009.05.10     Pastor Edward Cheng

Today on Mother’s Day churches across the U.S. will be showing appreciation and speaking of the love of mothers.  But this morning I want to do something a little different—I want us to think about the totality of what Scripture says about mothers.  A lot in Scripture tells about the tenderness and gentleness of mothers, but there’s more.  Now, I still think mothers are the greatest, and they should be showered in appreciation year-round, but at the same time, God’s word includes certain instructions, certain admonitions and encouragements for mothers. 

Here’s some background on our passage, Ephesians 6:1-4.  In the first three chapters of Ephesians, Paul teaches us about God, and in the last three chapters, he gives practical instruction—how we are to live, in light of what we just learned in the first three chapters.  He gives special attention to the different kinds of relationships that we engage in.  In 5:22-33, he talks about the marital relationship.  In 6:1-4, he talks about children and parents.  In 6:5-9, he talks about slaves and masters—or employees and employers.  Verses 4:1-3 contain the driving point of all these relationships: “Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”  The word peace stands out to me in this passage.  In the end, the goal of all these relationships is peace.  We see a similar passage in Colossians 3:15.  Can there be anything more precious in a home than peace, and rest from arguments and disagreements?

How is this peace achieved?  There seems to be two prongs to approach this question.  The first part comes in 6:1-3.  “Children, obey your parents in the Lord.”  We have the obligation and the calling to obey our parents.  There are several reasons for this: 1) “In the Lord”—because we belong to the Lord, and this is the Lord’s command for us.  2) Because it is right.  It might not always feel good or easy, but we must do what is right.  3) It’s rooted in God’s history, throughout centuries.  4) There are personal benefits—the promise of blessing. 

The world today has a problem with obedience.  We’re taught to question authority and wait to be convinced to do something before we do it.  In fact, I don’t believe parents are scripturally obligated to convince their children that something is right in order to make them do it. 

The second prong is from the parents, in v. 4.  The words “fathers” can mean just dads, but it can also possibly mean parents, including mothers.  “Moms, do not exasperate your children.”  In each of the relationships discussed in Ephesians, Paul talked about both sides (wives/husbands, children/parents, slaves/masters), and for each side he gives instructions.  Notice that only the instruction for parents is a negative one, while everybody else gets a positive: “Do something.”  Why give the parents a negative instruction?  The word “exasperate” means exactly what it sounds like—to provoke to anger.  It means don’t provoke your children to anger.  I don’t think this means that parents should never say anything out of fear of angering your children, or allow them to do whatever they want.  There’s a counterpart: “Bring them up to fear the Lord.”  Parents are to instruct and correct their children.

The similarity between Jewish and Chinese culture probably helps here.  If we err one way or another, I would say that in general our children don’t lack for parenting or guidance.  Perhaps, as in Jewish culture, we have a tendency to parent too much.  The fact that this is the only negative command of all the relationships might mean the instruction to moms is to parent less.  Let me qualify that by saying that God treats us the same way.  When we are young Christians, it’s important to learn the do’s and don’t’s of Christianity—come to church, don’t lie, etc.  As we grow, those things become habit.  Eventually we encounter complex issues that have no easy biblical answers, and then God takes a step back and says, “You know what?  I’ve given you wisdom from My Word; you choose.” 

In the same way, Moms, when your children are young, you give them the do’s and don’t’s, but I hope that when your children are older, you don’t feel that they still need to be taught the do’s and don’t’s.  Hopefully, as you instruct your children in the Lord, you’re imparting wisdom, so as they grow older, they will be able to make wise choices themselves.  Paul has this to say to moms: Be sensitive to the feelings and growth of your children.  Making them angry is not always a right thing.  And as far as peace in the home goes, Paul says, Children obey your parents.  What better gift for our moms than to have peace with them?